Trans-generational shame

Despite a lot of effort, the client could not fulfil his dream of moving abroad to work. He got a job in a different country, his paperwork was also clear, and still because of unexplainable reasons he could not leave India.

The constellation revealed that he was carrying shame that did not belong to him. It belonged to his grandfather as well as his father, which stopped him from flourishing in his own career. 

His grandfather and father were both brilliant scholars, but due to certain circumstances, they fell into legal trouble, which brought a lot of shame to them and their family. 

The client grew up noticing his father go through all that struggle, not knowing that his father was being loyal to his own father. And the client unconsciously decided to follow in their footsteps. He carried their shame without knowing he was carrying it.

By rejecting his own career growth, he was unconsciously being loyal to his father and grandfather's struggle. His stuckness was not laziness or fear — It was love entangled with shame.

Unconsciously, he was saying - 

If you could not be successful, how can I?

And this unconscious thought kept him from realising his dreams.

Once he understood these dynamics in the constellation, bowed down and honoured his father and grandfather's story, he could step out of this hidden loyalty.

And then things changed. Within a few weeks, everything fell into place and within two months, he started his new job in a new country.

Hellinger says that love is rarely innocent.

In families, love often means entanglement.

The client was entangled with his father and grandfather and their fate. A child's love keeps them safe and belonged but also trapped. 

Whereas adult love can find safety and belonging even when away from the family, knowing that they are held by their family and their roots, no matter where they are.

Adult love says:

“I honour your story. And I leave it with you. Please bless me as I move forward in MY life.”