Why do I reject love and exclude myself?

The client would exclude herself & reject love because she was entangled with a murdered girl child in her family system.

In the constellation, we found out that the client, her mother and grandmother were entangled with a murdered girl-child of her great-grandmother, born out of sexual assault. This girl child was secretly killed by the family members to preserve the family name. The great-grandmother could not grieve, could not express and could not even acknowledge her own child.

The child was excluded - denied love and her rightful place.

As this unfolded, the client kept rejecting the story, the pain and the suffering. Her mind was working hard to push away all the pain. She didn't want to believe what was being revealed. She objected and resisted.

However, her body knew. It held the truth.

Her heart was excruciatingly heavy.

Other parts of her body went numb.

The field was pregnant with pain.

And then came the tears. And the body tremors.

The pain held in the subconscious found its way out.

The client allowed the pain and suffering to surface, to be seen and acknowledged through her.

In the field, the client held that child in her arms. Soothed her.

In being entangled with her, she was trying to include her as well as carry her fate of exclusion and being unloved, especially by her mother and romantic partners. Unconsciously, the client had rejected the idea of having a partner, being married and being happy in a romantic relationship. This is the cost she was paying, out of blind love for her ancestors.

After giving space to all of this, the client could finally see and honour her ancestor, separately from herself.

In the separation, she found peace.

And with that peace, she could move to her mother and female ancestors, taking her place as their child and receiving their love and support.

The client was trying to complete a movement of love, which was broken many generations ago. In her blind love for her ancestor, she was saying -

If you are not included, how can I?

If you did not receive love, I will also reject it.

Love found it’s hidden symmetry through the clients’ symptoms.

Love always persists - either in the peace or in the pain.

Bert Hellinger says, "Our sense of self changes when excluded members of the system are brought back into awareness." This is what is happening for the client now. She is opening up to love and acceptance.